In my eyes.

I got these tears in my eyes
From all the little times
That I didn’t allow myself to cry.
These tears in my eyes
From all those things,
They seem so small
But they feel so big.
We got these tears in our eyes
From all those times
When something hurt us.
They never end
And threaten to flood me in.
Is there really an oceans worth
Or is it just my fears.
I got tears in my eyes
From all those little times
And they seem they’ll never away.

To Do Or Not To Do

Hello, it’s been a while. Let’s get down to business.

Okay, recently I’ve been thinking, a lot, I’ve had the time. And one of the major things that I’ve realised is that life is most usually complicated by our anxieties. We often avoid/lay-off some opportunities or just miss out because of them.

Anxieties… Anxieties only exist because of our want of control… Control over the outcomes of life, of the decisions we take. Its a type of fear. It slaps an iron collar around the neck on our minds, gelds it & whips it bloody. That’s what it does, at the very worst of times.

Look, how many times have you avoided something or put it off because you weren’t ready, or you weren’t sure? That is in part because anxiety. Personally I just weeks long insomnia episodes even after the dreaded deed has been done, although it’s also triggered by other things as well, but that’s a story for another time.

The simple truth, the simplest conclusion I’ve come to is this… You can never be ready. You can never be ready for whatever it is you’re anxious about. You can prepare to mitigate some of the possible repercussions, that should be sense, right?
An example can be given for losing your virginity, girls fear the pain, boys fear blundering and fumbling all over the place. Yet after all of that, most of us manage to recover, gather ourselves and go on to enjoy our sexuality lives as if we weren’t mortified by what could go wrong. The same thing applies to our first times doing anything, after he second or third time we don’t even think what if.

Also, maybe, if we stopped thinking of the human mind, as a rigid faculty with rigid functions and rigid functionalities then we would understand things more broadly. Maybe if we stopped thinking every brain processes information the same way then we could see that the cascading effects are the same, it’s the presentation that differs from person to person… But I digressed a bit, sorry.

Point is, I look around now and I see so many of our friends and peers generally, damn near piss themselves because, what if this and what if that. Some it’s career, others love, marriage, family, others weight. Im not gonna pretend I’m zen master ultima, until I decided to write this just now I didn’t even know what I was going to say, but we all have things that inspire anxiety in us and, this is something people learnt and learnt to apply generally, whenever we’re faced with unfamiliar territories we cannot be ready to tackle them,
“no plan survives first contact with the enemy” – Molton The Elder,
So, grab your survival kit, and improvise along the way. Also, don’t be afraid to be yourself fully.

Personally, this is one of the many new perspectives I’m planning on implementing more broadly, and if like me and many other yours was limited to just a few things or even not at all then I invite you to join me.

This is my journey to free myself of one of life’s most possibly debilitating mental afflictions